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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hung Like a Horse in the Land of Smiles

A few friends and I went over to Angel Massage on Sukhumvit soi 24/1 a few nights ago. One of the guys is new to the scene. A first night ever in Bangkok and as a rookie he chose to get an oil body to body massage to pop his cherry at Angel.

We all chose our girls and went off on our merry way to our separate rooms. I chose my usual girl that I called ahead to book. By the time I was about to take off my shorts my cell phone rang.

I checked the caller ID and saw it was the new guy. As a first timer he probably had a lot of questions though it would've been a bad time if he started asking at that point. Or it could've been he just needed some translation with the massage girl.

So I answered and heard the new guy chuckling like some sort of evil villian. He tells me to hold on and I hear his massage girl say in the background, "Too big. Change lady please."

I cracked up laughing out loud too. He didn't know what to do at that point so I just told him I would meet him back downstairs and see what the alternatives are.

I got down to the reception area first and when the new guy came down with his massage girl I heard her describe the new guys cock to the mamasan. She said in Thai that the new guys schlong is the length of her elbow to her wrist, which is about 9 inches. And the girth was the size of her clenched fist. Again she insisted she was having non of it.

I cracked up even more. At the same time I was shocked too. New guy just had a smirk on his face. The guy isn't physically big and kind of looks like Woody Allen. He's 5 foot 5 inches tall and 160 lbs. soaking wet. What a lucky son of a bitch!

There was no need to translate. He knew what was going on well enough.

So the mamasan showed him the available girls who could accomadate his member. There were 2 ladies who could but he didnt' like them. He liked the massage girl he was originally with. I don't blame him, she's pretty, about a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10.

It was a Mexican standoff but the new guy was cool about it. So I asked if he'd settle for a blow job. He hesitated but eventually agreed and so did the massage girl. Problem solved.

The moral of the story is you can be denied full service if you have a large kielbasa swinging between your legs. And there's not much you can do about it if a massage girl, bar girl or any other Thai hooker doesn't want it in between her legs. So one option is to just get a blow job no matter how much you want to go the full nine yards.

You can change ladies especially at the body to body massage parlors. At a go go bar you might have a difficult time. When a bar fine is paid and you take a go go bar girl back to your hotel room you might have a problem when she denies access because she's scared you might split her in two.

It's a problem that might piss off a lot of guys. Because you've already paid the bar fine and agreed on a price that includes full intercourse.

Now if you are a lucky bastard to be extraordinarily endowed and don't want to come across this issue I suggest telling the ladies what they're about to get into (or what's getting into them lol!). This way there's no concern, no cash out of the pocket or any surprises once you're back in your room.

Most importantly, don't get pissed. From the stories I've heard from many ladies, customers do get angry simply because they are too big for the ladies. Just chill out, really. Just be happy you've got a problem many guys wish they had!

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