Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Lessons on Dating and Relationships with Thai Women

After sharing so much information on visiting Thailand's red light districts I know a lot of guys will eventually consider starting a relationship with a lovely Thai lady. But I know many tourists don't have a lot of options for meeting one in most normal social settings. And that the Thai women they first meet are the ones most likely working in the country's sex industry.

So now that I've taught you sex tourists how to find tail in Thailand, I'm going to give advice to guys who are working or on a long term vacation or retiring in Bangkok some Thai dating advice.

This post was actually written a few years ago but I never published it. Because there's so much information on dating Thai women that I thought my two cents wouldn't really matter. I've read other blogs regarding relationships with Thai women. Some of the information out there I can agree and some I don't agree with. But none of them are wrong. Everyones experience and opinions on dating Thai women is different.

However, on this post I'm going to cover some important subjects that you will not read about on other posts. And I'm going to share some valuable tips and advice based on what I have experienced and learned.

But the one thing we all agree on is you really have to be careful. There are a lot of dating horror stories. And there is always one common element in Thai women that you should really be cautious of. I'll explain more about that element below.

Also a few things have changed in the past years in the Thai dating scene. For one, social media has widened the field for connecting Thai Women and foreigners looking to hook up. Facebook is the most popular way followed by Instagram. And Tinder app is quickly gaining because it's so simple and easy to use for quick meet ups and sexual encounters.

Today Thai women looking to hook a falang boyfriend has never been easier. The same can be said for foreign men looking for a Thai sweetheart.

I wish that I could tell you that dating Thai women is guaranteed rainbows and sunshine. Chances are, your first encounter on Thai dating will not be your first. More often than not your success rate is quite low when it comes to finding the right Thai girl for a relationship the first time.

That said, I do hope you find the right girl in Thailand. And I'll help by laying out some signals that you should look out for.

Dating Thai Girls Can Be Fun, But...

To start off this post is not a rant. I did not have a recent bad breakup with a Thai girl. However, of the 20 years that I have been based in Thailand I have had a few really bad relationships with Thai hookers. Okay maybe more than a few.

Thankfully I have a lot of really good friends, both foreigners and Thais pull me out of bad situations and set me straight. So that I did not end up as one of those sad jumpers that took a swan dive off a condo balcony after a Thai sweetheart ran off.

I'm writing this post for the guys who need that little help to pull themselves out of la la land. So I'll say this up front. Don't get involved with Thai hookers. Period. You know a statement is important when it ends in two periods. They are not the girls you want to date.

Since that's clear, this post is about what guys should consider and think about before they jump forward and start dating Thai women. And when I say Thai women I am of course excluding any women working directly in the sex industry. This includes soapy massage girls, oily massage girls, bar girls and freelancers. Did I miss anything?

I wanted to make this clear because I don't want to offend any friends, both expats and Thais that are happily married with a well mannered and honest Thai lady. I would still like to get invites to their happy gatherings and drink all of their booze.

A Few Things You Should Know About Thai Women

In Thailand, like any other country women come from different levels of social economic backgrounds. For instance, you may come across the term Hi-So which is short for High Society.

Hi-So Thai women come from a wealthy family background. They are wealthy through various successful businesses or government connections. Hi-So Thai women are also either independently wealthy or simply taken care of by a rich mommy or daddy. And these women typically come from a Thai-Chinese background.

Then we have the complete polar opposite Lo-So (Low Society, if you're not paying attention) Thai women. These women come from farming backgrounds, mostly from the rural northeastern region of Thailand called Isaan.

That's not to say that every single person in Isaan is poor. But the fact is a majority of the girls working in the sex industry call Isaan their home.

But Lo-So is a label that encompasses anyone in the Thai population that isn't rich.  Now you're probably saying "No shit Jim. Really? There are poor and rich women in Thailand?"

This is an important point to bring up because any expat who has been living in the country for awhile will tell you that there is a huge disparity between the poor and rich. And the poor are desperate to get out of poverty and do whatever they can to get out. Why else would Thai women work in the sex industry or end up as minor wives or relent to being a mistress?

It's the Thai women's version of the rat race sort of. The race to gain more material wealth which is spurred on through Facebook and Instagram.

Now you're probably thinking well maybe you'll just date a Hi-So girl and problem solved. Hi-So women are not interested in dating foreign tourists sporting a fanny pack and wearing a old stained Singh beer tank top sleeping in hostels.

But if you're a foreigner with a successful background and the same or higher income and wealth level as herself then sure, you've got a shot dating a hot Hi-So Thai girl. I wrote about finding the "Good" Thai girls here.

In Thailand there are women in the middle income range too but they are not as desperate as lo-so women in wanting to gain material wealth. And from my experience they are happy enough living within their means and working hard at their jobs and marrying a Thai man. So you probably won't find them as much receptive to having a foreigner as a boyfriend or husband as they have no need for one.

But I have to say, Thai women with middle incomes are the types of women most of my foreigner friends have successful relationships with. They are married with a home or condo and kids.

Thai Lo-So Women

Lo-So girls are most likely the type of Thai women that you will most likely come across, particularly through social media meet ups. But also know many guys find them in bars and pubs, not the ones where hookers hang out though.

Many of these girls work low paying day jobs and are not involved directly in Thailand’s sex industry.  But these girls do contribute to the sex industry indirectly. After all if a guy meets a Thai girl on Facebook and flies half way around the world to meet her is not going there just to have lunch with her. And there's no such thing as a free lunch if you catch my drift.

If they can speak English it is most likely they’ve had falang boyfriends before. Even when English is taught in Thai government school it is very basic at best. So whenever you come across a Thai girl with a fair grasp of the English language she most likely picked it up from a past relationship with a foreigner.

That said, these girls may not have finished high school much less attend a university. They come from a poorer family background or at least in the low income range. And these women are the opposite of Hi-So and are deemed Lo-So though none of them will want to admit it. And besides labeled as Lo-So is demeaning and causes one to lose face. So I'm using the term loosely.

I label these girls as Lo-So and not gold diggers because even rich women can be gold diggers.

I want you to watch out for Thai girls who are desperate to be Hi-So. And there will be a lot. You will not believe what Lo-So Thai girls will do to get rich and make their friends jealous etc.

Now I'm not saying that all poor Thai girls are evil harpies. Finding a humble and kind hearted lady is possible and absolute gems. The aim of this post is not to bash all Thai women. And I don't want to paint Thai women negatively with a broad brush stroke.

It's just that there are a certain segment of Thai women you should really be cautious of which is the goal of this blog post.

The Quest to Be Hi-So

If you happen to follow (or stalk) Thai girls on Facebook you’ll often see them taking selfies in posh settings, holding a wad of Baht or brandishing a luxury hand bag showing it off whether it’s fake or not. What really matters to them is that they love to emanate a persona that they are of high society breed.

Take a look at this news article and you'll get a little glimpse of a Thai lady doing a bit of showing off. And she's rich. And many Thai women desperate for money want to be just like her.

Even though a vast majority of Thais are devout Buddhist, most Thai women love to show off their expensive material gains. They love it even more when they are able to show the lavish gifts their falang boyfriends have bought for them.

One mark of high society, in the minds of lower class Thais is the acquisition of a falang suitor. In such women’s minds having a foreigner on their corner lifts their status above their friends who don’t have a falang man. Such women may not say it outright but believe me that’s what they do think.

Their belief is that a foreigner has more money and in turn able to buy them more garbage to make them look better than anyone else.

I know what I just wrote makes Thai women with foreign boyfriends look like gold diggers. But we all know gold diggers exist all around the world. Just wanted to make that clear I realize that too so keep the nasty comments to a minimum please.

But what I say about Thai women being materialistic is very true. And they don’t hesitate to flaunt their newly acquired expensive items from their foreign lovers on Facebook and Instagram.

Now you might be asking why lower classed Thai women go through the trouble of finding a foreigner when English is not their primary language. Why don’t they just find a Thai guy with money? There have to be Thai men with cash, right?

There are a lot of Thai men that are well off. These guys can be small to medium sized business owners, salary men working at a good company and even government employees with a plush desk job and salary.

Thai men in the eyes of Thai women have a poor track record for fidelity. You can say foreign men are just as bad and you are right we are. We are just as bad as Thai men. However, Thai women will take a risk with a foreigner because they think they can get more money out of them quicker.

And also because Thai women are quite gullible. For example I know one Thai girl and she’s not  (directly) involved in the sex industry. But she picked up English through years of contacting and meeting up with men on Facebook or some Thai dating website.

She’s not the hottest looking girl but she still gets a lot of guys wanting to meet with her when they’re in Bangkok. She also tells me she meets a lot of foreigners on Facebook who claim that they work in foreign embassies.

I know for a fact due to security issues foreign government workers in embassies do not outright tell total strangers they work in an embassy. And she also says she hooked up with an astronaut, a hotel resort owner and the CEO of Coca-Cola. And she met all of them on Facebook and had sex with them. And after one night they all vanished. And she's still wondering why.

She's so easy because she's gullible enough to believe everything a foreigner says. And so desperate enough to land herself a rich man that she'll spread her legs easily.

Why Lower Classed Thai Women Chase Foreigners?

Thai women, especially the desperate ones that want fast cash are very manipulative. And foreigners can be just as gullible. I can't tell you how many times my mates and I choke on our beers when we hear someone say a bar girl they've fallen in love with is "special" or "different" then all the others. Maybe she is. But the laws of probability are against him.

Because foreigners can not speak the language Thai women with bad intentions find it easier to manipulate men. She can blame it on miscommunication.

It is very common for Thai women to go online searching for generous men who send money without any hesitation. All they have to do is write some sweet words, form some sort of internet relationship and perhaps he'll show her his erect penis on web cam. She'll squeal about his size and like magic he wire transfers money to her bank account. This is a true story, I actually sat behind a Thai lady friend of mine and watched her go to work on webcam, siphoning money from men desperate for the glowing admiration of Thai women. I never saw so many penises and cum in an hour.

I also know a group of Isaan girls who's goal is to find foreigners looking to retire in Thailand. There are many. Why retiring foreigners? Well they have to live somewhere right? Once these ladies hook a falang man, they then give them the idea to purchase a plot of land where they can live together. Problem is foreigners are not allowed to own land. So they have to rely on a Thai girlfriend or a wife to purchase a plot. Their intentions are not foul. However, they must feel pretty good to have a piece of land under their name.

Most Thai women who chase after foreigners also know that they are not highly desired by Thai men. Low classed Thai women may claim that they don’t want to get involved with a Thai man because they think they are unfaithful, poor and don't have the same good wholesome looks as a foreigner.

While in actuality, they will throw themselves at wealthy Thai men if given the opportunity. The thing is, Thai men, whether they be rich or poor, are attracted to Thai women with light skin. Even if a Thai man is dark skinned himself he still prefers light skinned Thai women.

If you take a walk around Bangkok’s upscale malls you will come across short dark skinned Thai men walking hand in hand with super attractive tall light skinned Thai female. It is very rare to see a wealthy dark skinned Thai male with a dark skinned Thai female.

A vast majority of Thai women, particularly Lo-Society women have dark skin tones. This can be hereditary or this can be from the years they've been working manual labor since they were children.

Foreign men, particularly those from the West don't care and find dark skin rather attractive. Men from other parts of Asia however share the same sentiment as Thai men.

And darker skinned Thai women know falangs don't give a damn about skin color which opens up the playing field for the all the ladies looking to attract a man.

Advice you Need to Know - Put on Your Big Boy Pants

If you are planning to get involved in a serious relationship with a Thai girl you have to “Man Up”. It is very easy for Thai women to manipulate and control you. A lot of the time it's because when you're visiting the country, you're on holiday mode. You don't speak the language or know the lay of the land so you rely on her 100%. Never leave your street smarts back home.

This doesn't mean you should be a macho dick. This just mean if something smells fishy and you know it ain't a fish then put your foot down and start asking questions.

Here's another story to illustrate my point. There's this guy named Vance and he works on an oil rig in the South China seas. It's hard dangerous work but he earns a decent salary. He heads back to Thailand two to three months out of the year to visit a girl in Bangkok he's been seeing for 5 years straight. Lets call his girlfriend Pim who sells cheap jewlery in flea markets a few times a week.

Vance lives over at Pim's small little government run flat whenever he visits. So he saves some money on hotels. But he pays for food and whatever small necessities Pim needs plus some sort of allowance. Matter of fact whenever Vance is out of the country, sometimes Pim would ask Vance if he could send some money for whatever reasons. Vance obliges of course.

One day Pim asked Vance if he could give her 200,000 Baht to open a clothing shop. She claimed she had already found the perfect location. He said yes. Months went by and Pim hadn't even started the business yet. As more time past Pim started asking for some more spending money. Vance inquired about the 200,000 Baht and she said she spent it on other necessities. Vance just accepted that answer and that was that.

This is a story Vance brought up just recently to me. Previously money issues never really bothered him. However, recently the oil industry is not doing so well. And his off shore oil rig job could possibly be in jeopardy. And he's still with Pim. And he knows eventually she'll be asking for more money. So he's worried and he asked me what I think he should do.

I normally keep my opinions regarding monetary support for Thai girls to myself. But in this case I told Vance he should put on his big boy pants and ask Pim what she spent with the initial 200,000 Baht he gave her. And it had better be a good answer before handing her some more of his hard earned cash. After all, she spent everything in 2 months.

Vance is a big tough no nonsense guy, tattooed from neck to toe. If you saw him in a dark alley you'd turn around and walk the other way. But against a little small Thai girl he's a complete idiot.

The Savior Syndrome

There are honest wholesome altruistic men like Vance who feel they have to help out a women that is financially disadvantaged. And Thailand is ground zero for needy women. You might have heard of the term "White Knight Syndrome". But I think the term "Savior Syndrome" is more proper because us white guys are not the only ones supporting Thai girlfriends and wives.

There is nothing wrong with taking care of your women. However, there are differences between taking care and throwing away money.

You may have the financial capability to buy jewelry and expensive handbags on the fly for your Thai honey. But you're just doing more bad than good. This is especially true if you have a gold digger on your hands. Remember, many Thai women are desperate and greedy when it comes to the finer things in life. These types of gold diggers are not emotionally mature or sane. They might even be paranoid when you're around other women, worried that they'll steal you away from her.

You really have to avoid the gold diggers even if you have the money to take care of one. I understand buying gifts is part of the dance in a relationship. And as the relationship progress you can gradually add more expensive give items.  But, seriously you've got to be reasonable.

Impressing the Wrong Thai Girls Can Get You in Trouble

You might say Vance is a moron for forking over that amount of money without some sort of oversight. And he's not stupid. I know the guy really well. However, he is a generous fellow and way too trusting if you asked me.

If you’re not rich, and you know you’re not rich, well then your little Thai honey has to know that too.

But I also believe if you can support a Thai girlfriend then you should do so. I still believe in paying for dinners, movies and maybe small “thanks for letting me bang you” for free gifts. It’s the least a gentleman can do.

However, if she hints for expensive items like a brand new Louis Vuitton bag and you know you can’t afford it you’re going to have to tell her.

If you’re reading this and you’re thinking right now “No shit Jim!” well I’m going to tell you there are a lot of guys who for whatever reason, do not know how to say no. It could be ego. I mean guys want their girls to know they can take care of them, right?

But there are also guys who don’t know how to say no to their girlfriends because they don’t have experience in a relationship. And that my friends is the worst case scenario.

Don’t Let Your Thai Girlfriend Take Control

A lot of guys with girlfriends in Thailand lose their common sense. Could be all that free sex they normally don't getting interfering with their normal brain functions.

Here’s another true story. I met a young German guy through a mutual friend let’s call him “Peter”. He met a Thai girl at a local pub in Phuket, let’s call her "Loy".

Loy has a reputation for being a real snob. Though she doesn’t have a lot of money, her Aunt was once a very successful business women but has since fallen on hard times. One day, Loy presented a friend of her sister a business opportunity and become partners.

Long story short, Loy cheated her partner. I won’t go into details how because it’s not important as to why and how. What you really need to know, is that Peter finds out as well that his beloved Loy has been a very naughty girl.

I’m sure Peter was disappointed at first. He thought he knew Loy very well. He even took her on a trip around Europe and even met his family and lived with them briefly in Germany. Peter’s family most likely has a Christian background and we all know what the 10 commandment says about stealing.

Anyways, whether Peter is a Christ believer or not, he knows stealing and cheating others is a big no no. The shocker here is Peter has somehow put up with Loy’s unethical ways. And even in a way protecting her. I don't know if he condones her actions. But I suppose Loy has "orally" convinced him that she's really a good girl.

So what’s up with Peter? He knows his Thai girlfriend is a scam artist. Matter of fact my mutual friend has uncovered more unsavory facts, that Loy has a history of scamming other people.

My friend thinks Peter is the kind of guy that doesn’t have too much experience with the opposite sex. And one day, when he ventured into that pub in Phuket, and caught the eye of Loy for the very first time, it made him feel special. And this has never happened to him before in Germany. Who know’s what Peter saw in Loy? Loy however who is slightly older than Peter, found a younger guy smitten with puppy love. And what she saw was an open ATM. And what's worst is she knows he can be easily controlled.

My friend hypothesized that Peter was easily manipulated by Loy through the means of playing the damsel in distress. He also discovered through others that Loy has been going around doing just that, claiming that she was not in the wrong. And Peter somehow bought it.

Point here is don’t get involved in a relationship that no good that come from. Money in life is important. But how one achieves money is just as important. If you are in a relationship with a Thai lady that only focuses on the size of your bank account then you have to wake up, stand up and say something. And having a Thai girl friend that has no moral responsibility is most certainly not a healthy relationship.

Another important advice is if you constantly catch your Thai girlfriend lying through their teeth, you really have to bring it up to them.

A long while ago I met a cute Thai girl working at a kiosk selling orange juice at BTS station. She was fun to be around with and we started going out. Until she started telling me stories that her family is rich. She says her mother owns a fancy 3 floor home in Bangkok with a plush job at a foreign magazine company and her sister owns a fancy hair salon inside a mall. Almost everything she brings up about herself has some sort of claim that she is wealthy. Okay, whatever, at the time I just wanted to get in her panties.

She claimed she graduated from a famous university and she's just selling orange juice at the BTS station because the owner is her best friend. Okay, sure, whatever.

One day I drove her home, it was the first time I've been to the place where she lives. It was a complex of low income government apartments near Don Mueang airport. I think a flat inside costs about 2000THB a month. I was just dropping her off and I wasn't expecting to go up, but while driving down to her apartment building entrance she tells me to stop, she sees her mother.

She got out spoke to her mother a little and came back told me she had to go to the rental office to pick up a big parcel box that was mailed to her. So I said okay I'll wait. She went alone and I saw the mother and she saw me so I had to get out and just say hello to her. I asked her what she was doing here and she told me she lived upstairs from her daughter in the apartment complex. I asked her doesn't she have a house? She said she can't afford one and joked if I could buy her one. At least I thought she was kidding.

There were too many lies stacked upon lies and this pretty much continued on for another 2 more weeks until one day I said enough is enough. I told her I wasn't interested in dating her anymore. I also said if she ever wants to keep a boyfriend she should stop telling lies to make herself look hi-so. Even though she had a dark skin tone I could tell her face turned red. She launched into a tirade about falang men don't tell the truth either so why should she. She has a good point there.

Anyways, it's probably a good time to point out that if you want to make sure that your potential Thai mate is on the up and up you better learn to speak Thai. If I couldn't communicate in Thai I would have never had the nice little honest conversation with the mother.

And Women Thought We Treat Them Like Objects

One thing I've observed through the years is that many Thai women treat their foreign boyfriends like objects. While dating, it is quite normal for Thai girls to take their friends along out on dates.

There's a big chance that on your first date she'll be bringing along a friend or two or even three. And wherever you all go and whatever you all do you'll have to pay for it. But I agree a girl shouldn't be out on her own on a first date. So it's reasonable she'll bring along some friends for safety in the beginning of your dates as a precaution.

But well beyond the first date this will pretty much continue on. This is one thing I know a lot of foreigners dating Thai girls complain about. They do have alone time together once in awhile but most of the time it's with her friends as well when going out.

And many times you won't even know where you're going. Or if you did know they change plans without telling you, only to find out when you get there. But when it comes time to pay for all the drinks and food it's on you. And worst off none of them had the courtesy of saying thank you. One of her friends might even had the audacity to order take away without asking you first. Leaving you to foot the bill of a friend's take away meal.

The ongoing joke about foreigners being ATMs is funny but very true. Now you might be thinking this is okay and there's nothing wrong with that. But I know a lot of friends who would disagree. When this happens too many times it'll wear you down.

I have one friend who after 2 years with his ungrateful girlfriend got so sick and tired of getting dragged around and paying for her ungrateful friends that he waited until her friends ordered a table full of food and cocktails. He excused himself to go to the bathroom but instead left the restaurant.

He chucked out his mobile's SIM card, checked out of his hotel room and into another so his new ex-girlfriend could never find him. Now that's what I call making an exit!

Understanding Girls in Thailand

As I mentioned already many Thai girls want to date foreigners because they think they gain a higher social status. And money plays a big part. They don't make a lot of money themselves but hey, if they have a falang boyfriend then his money is hers as well.

There is a huge cultural difference that many foreigners don't understand. There is also the fact that many Thai girls in lower incomes are uneducated. Though they do have street smarts. It is quite odd that school education in most Asian nations is a priority. But in Thailand it seems not so much.

One thing I've also observed are Thai girls can be easily jealous of one of their friends. A lot of this jealousy comes from what their friends share on Facebook. Thai women are one of the most prolific Facebook users you will ever meet. Whatever they eat, whatever new makeup they've just put on and even sitting in a car, which is considered luxury are posted on their social media accounts to show off.

Now Thai girls are capable of loving their boyfriends. However, if they are the desperate for cash type their love for money is even greater. Why do you think so many bar girls have Thai boyfriends, yet still have falang men on the side?

There is Emotional Attachment. And Then There is Financial Attachment.

A Thai boyfriend can easily fulfill their emotional needs because they share the same culture and language. A falang boyfriend simply fulfills the financial gap.  Which is basically using someone for their money. But most Thai women in the sex industry don't look at it that way.

And neither do the Thai boyfriends or husbands of Thai girls working in the sex industry. Who in their right minds want their wives to be sex workers? You see, Thais view the human body as just a vessel, a shell which carries around the soul which is a Buddhist belief. Like a tool that carries the spirit. As long as the spirit belongs to the Thai boyfriend or husband, that's all that matters. Now Thai men may still not like it when sex tourists bang their girls friends and wives. But when sex tourists pay up for sexual services rendered guess who's pocket that money goes to.

Now I want to clarify that not all Thai women are like this. And not all Thai men want their wives to be hookers either. This really all comes down to education and belief system. I just want to prepare you for what may happen when it does you're ready to deal with it. What I write about is from personal experiences as well as what many of my friends have shared with me through the years.

Finding the Right Woman

I've made many friends over the years living in Thailand. Through those years I have two sets of friends.

One set of friends have Thai girlfriends and wives that they have met through work environment, friendly social gatherings like a birthday party or at a wedding. Usually they're set up through friends that know one another very well.

My other set of friends met their girlfriends and wives through internet dating, social media and at bars and clubs.

Guess which set of friends have a happier and healthier relationship?

Even though there are a few personal friends that I know who met their Thai girlfriends on Facebook have a genuine caring relationship. But I know plenty more who have had nightmarish relationships. And I have heard tons of horror stories from friends about meeting Thai girls on Facebook and Instagram. About once a month I hear acquaintances complain about Thai girls they've met on Facebook. Why is that?

My opinion is that Thai women who use social media to find falang boyfriends are desperate. Most I believe are simply down right lazy. They don't have any work ethics and want fast money. I know a couple of Thai girls, all they do every day is find guys via social media. They specifically target older men because they too are just as desperate I guess. And these dummies send money to these girls just to impress them.

And that's all they do. And they don't even sit in front of the computer all day. At least 4 to 5 hours a day talking to dirty old men with nothing else to do but give their money away before they kick the bucket. If you're reading this and guilty of sending these girls money please stop it. Send it to me instead.

So Much More to Cover - But I Hope You've Learned a Lot

This is the longest post I've ever written on this blog. There's just so many things to cover on this subject. I know today there are many leisure travelers to Thailand these days who are deciding to retire in the Kingdom.

Settling down with a good Thai girl is part of the retirement process that can either be a good experience or a bad one. Which is why it's so important that you really be careful on who you select to be your partner.

If there's one thing to learn and take from this post, it is don't get into a relationship with a Thai girl that is too needy and desperate for cash and lavish overpriced garbage. And, there are other warning signs you should look out for too:

Thai Girlfriend Warning Signs

  • She wants you to get her a Visa to move out of Thailand. There could be innocent reasons why she would want to leave her country. However, there are Thai women who seek out a foreigner in hopes of marrying one and moving out. I know a Thai girl who got married to a fellow in UK. He didn't have a lot of money. And she knew that. However, he promised her he would get her to UK and he did. After living in the UK 2 or 3 years later she divorced him and went out to seek a man with more money.
  • Beware of pathological liars. Like a drug junkie, Thai women addicted to fast cash will lie. And they will say many non-sensical reasons to get that cash from you. Sadly, a lot of men don't think this is a problem or they feel sympathetic. If something doesn't make sense to you or doesn't feel right you've got to stand up and question. Otherwise you are just enabling them to continue on.
  • Pay close attention to her circle of friends. You can learn certain things about a person from the people they call friends. If you see her friends with different falang men all the time it could mean she does the same when you're out of the country. This is not always necessarily true because not all girls are the same of course. But friends learn from other friends and remember what I mentioned about Thai girls being envious of each other? Well a lot of times these girls always try to one up each other by finding a man that is more rich, or more handsome or whatever.
  • She doesn't want you to learn the Thai language. I always tell guys if they plan on having a long relationship with a Thai girl they better learn to speak Thai. Ever so often while eating or drinking somewhere near a foreigner accompanied by a group of Thai girls I hear one of them, I assume the girlfriend, complain about his boyfriend being cheap, stupid and ugly. And that if she finds another man she'd dump him. All while his boyfriend is sitting next to her happily sipping a pint of Guinness. If your future Thai girlfriend doesn't want you to learn Thai it could mean she doesn't want you to know too much about her. And what does she have to hide?

Take Your Time and Don't Hurry

That's my biggest advice if you really want to delve into a relationship with a Thai girl. Too many guys hurry into a relationships without fully knowing what they are really getting into. A lot of it is because foreign guys who've never spent some serious time in the country looking to date Thai women think they know everything. Shit, I've been here for 20 years and I still don't know everything about dating Thai women.

Today, I just meet a few, have a good time and that's it. I move on. Though I've still got plenty of years in me so maybe someday I will settle down. Ever so often my friends in Bangkok will try to set me up with a Thai girl. And those girls usually have some kind of office job.

Problem is, if you hook up with a good Thai girl, marriage is expected. Really it is. Because in Thai society it's a bit frowned upon to be dating for years and years and marriage is not the end game. And I really don't plan on marrying at all. And personally I don't want to waste any girls' time if they're expecting a ring on their finger, a couple of kids and a home with white picket fences.

You too will have to ask yourself, are you just dating for fun, or are you dating in hopes you'll get married someday? Whichever you decide, don't hurry. Take your time to think things through. This is especially true for guys expecting to retire in Thailand. If you want to live a longer fuller life don't get caught up in Thai dating drama.


  1. This is the longest piece of blah blah blah... ever


  2. Don't pay attention to that troll above, Jim. I thought this post was based on sound arguments with a balanced perspective, coming from extensive experience. Especially helpful for the new guys easily seduced by the allure of Thai women. Thanks for posting.

    1. Doesn't bother me. If it did I could have deleted the first comment. It's something to expect. Whether a comment is constructive or not I welcome it because it'll start a conversation. Cheers.

  3. Hi Jim,

    Great site mate. From my experience you're absolutely spot on with your advice.

    I'm also checking out your bangkokredeye site, I've been to Bangkok half a dozen times but not for a few years so your write ups are invaluable, things have changed a bit since my last visit but not that much it seems!

    Really appreciate your precise details, I know I can trust them because I've experienced some of them too.

    I'm coming back out soon and your site will be my bible when I do!

    Take care buddy


    1. Hi Daffy,

      Yeah things have changed. Sometimes a bit too fast lol. I know I have to head back to Nana Plaza, rework my go go bar map there too.

      But I'll get to it. Just doing some baby steps at a time.


  4. Very good advice Jim. I have lived here 2 years and made all the mistakes going. Thai girls are world class liars. Almost impossible to get them to admit they lied. You end up doubting your own instincts. Also never lend money to your Thai GF or her family and friends. May as well call it a gift if you want to help them. You will never get it back. Saves any arguments and bad feeling.


    1. Thank you Dave. Believe me more mistakes will be made when dating Thai women lol. Just got to be really careful where you pick and choose a Thai girlfriend is all.

      But even then you still have to be careful lol. What you mentioned about loaning money is very true. It won't be a loan but actually a gift. Getting a loan would mean they don't have money (which Thai girls never want to admit even if they are poor) while a gift just puts a different spin on the word.

      That said, not all Thai women are like this. I'm not saying this just to cover my own ass or avoid insulting my friends in a relationship with decent honest Thai ladies.